Sacred Cow

We all know you don’t agree with “the way things are done around here.” And, yes, we all know that everyone except you is an idiot because one or more of their opinions, actions, wardrobe choices, or some other insignificant detail doesn’t exactly match up with your own exacting and perfect standards.

We all know that being a sacred cow means you can work scant hours, selectively ignore tasks that others must complete, refuse to participate in any company events, and basically hole up in your messy cubicle to draw your check.

Those facts are not in dispute. So, please In the name of all that is holy, sit the hell down and just do your damn job.

We all have our complaints. But as a common courtesy to the social order, you should actually try to perform at least a few of the tasks that you’re being paid to do.

I recognize that you’ve had this job for way, way too long, and that you’re probably bitter because of the smallness of your being. In retrospect, I’m sure you’d agree that your anti-social tendencies, continuous bellyaching and bitching about every little mundane happening may have had an impact on your career. And your social life. You see, people don’t really want to wallow in a tepid pool of complaints. Those who gripe about everyone, all the time, are simply not enjoyable to be around.

Not everyone agrees with you. Not everyone needs your approval. At this point, very few even want to hear your whiny comments. Deal with these fundamental truths and move on with your life.

No one wants to change your mind, and we promise not to include you in anything even remotely pleasant. Just, at the very least, pretend to do some work so the rest of us don’t get as jaded as you have become.