What Creepy Schmeepy?

Hey asshole,

Stop showing up in my bed when I’m sleeping and putting your disgusting mouth all over me. It’s creepy. Every night when I go to bed I have the heebie jeebies cause I totally know you’re going to show up again, even though I’ve tried everything to keep you out. And you’re gone before I wake up, but I can tell you’ve been here because you leave your mark all over me. And then I have to show up at work with all these nasty welts where you sucked on me, and hope nobody notices because you know what? It’s tacky. It’s tacky, and it’s embarrassing, and the neighbors know what you’re up to and they probably think I’m some nasty scumbag even though I’m not. I’m not! I’m a very nice girl who never did anything wrong and I don’t know how I got mixed up with you. You’re bad news. I wish you’d just go away.

Fucking bed bug.